I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
