i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
