dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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