Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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