so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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