why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
