I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
