Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
