are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
