fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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