I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
