Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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