covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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