So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
