If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's blow job season.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
