If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
