Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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