just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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