One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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