you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
