just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
