Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
