One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
