My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
