I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And then he peed in my hair
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