Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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