I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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