She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I party with great urgency now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
