is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
