im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
