Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
