You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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