o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
