why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who died my cat blue again?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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