you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
