I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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