her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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