he thought i was a dude.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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