i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
