i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
