omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
