I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
