i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
