i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
