I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
