Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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