You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
