Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
