We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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