Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
