Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
