Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
