if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
