The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
