he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
