well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
