i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
