There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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