I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
