we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,