So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed