I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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