I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.