I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.