I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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