Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.