At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
