2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
