So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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