I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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