Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
