i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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