I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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