Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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