shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
