i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
