The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.