ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.