And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You are the jesus of drinking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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