You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
