I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
